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November 11, 2005
"Either he's a jogger or he's homeless"
And other things Overheard In New York:
Lady: Excuse me, where is Nathan's?
Guy: It's around the corner, asshole.
--South Street Seaport
Woman: Wow, your face is really red! What happened, sunburn?
Cashier girl: No...allergic reaction.
Woman: Ooh...what are you allergic to?
Cashier girl: Rude, obnoxious and tactless customers.
Woman: Oh, so you get a lot of those, hmm?
Cashier girl: Ugh...Oh yeah, I forgot, and stupid ones that don't get subtlety, either.
--Stop & Shop, Long Island City
Pat O'Brien: Um, excuse me...
Bouncer: Oh shit, that's Pat O'Brien, that's my peoples.
Guy: ...Aw, come on, we've been waiting out here for an hour and Pat O'Brien gets in?
Bouncer: Yo, don't step, Pat O'Brien is good peoples.
--Canal Room, West Broadway
Chick: I could never run a whole marathon.
Guy: Maybe if you were chasing a Ben and Jerry's truck.
--Central Park
Waiter: There is no indefinite standing allowed in the garden.
--Luca Lounge, Avenue B
Drunk guy on cell: We're going to the Lower East Side. You can't miss me--I'm in a rickshaw!
--2nd Avenue & 4th Street
Loudspeaker: After an earlier incident, the D as in W train is running...
--Pacific Street station
Guy #1: Isn't that the Norwegian metal band where the drummer is eight and he killed the lead singer?
Guy #2: No, the drummer ate the lead singer
--1st Avenue & 6th Street
Girl on cell: I'm settling for you only because you are tolerating me.
--Penn Station
Woman: That one painting was gorgeous.
Man: Did you notice that no matter where you were in the room, his eyes were looking at you? That's how you can tell it's a great painting.
--Times Square
Girl #1: We're going to Montreal for the weekend.
Girl #2: I love Montreal! It's so easy to get to, and so exotic...it's
like going to a different country.
--68th & Lexington
Girl #1: Dude, that apartment was so ridiculousy small. No fat people would be able to walk in our hallway.
Girl #2: Like we're friends with anyone who's fat.
--6th & Houston
A crazy guy is pulling on a hipster's sleeve, jabbering at him.
Hipster guy: You know, that's very Nietzsche, by the way.
--3rd Avenue between 5th & 6th
Guy #1: Dude, I hate fat chicks that are stuck up.
Guy #2: Yeah, it's like, "Bitch, act your weight."
--Office, 48th & 6th
Piano Player: This song from 1980 by Christopher Cross is my favorite song in the whole world.
--Piano Bar, UES
Old Man: They have salads here. Next time we should just come early and eat here.
Old Lady: Okay, we could try that next time.
Old Man: They have Caesar salads, and cobb salads, and pasta salads--
Old Lady: That sounds good. We'll try it next time.
Old Man: --they have California salads, and tuna salads, and--
Old Lady: Okay, Harvey! We'll eat here next time!
Old Man: ...they have sandwiches, too.
--Avery Fischer Hall
(my favorite)
Waiter: ...and how about a bread? Perhaps a poori or naan bread.
Guy: Naan for me thanks.
Waiter: Are you sure? It is very good bread...
--Mitali, E. 6th St.
Him: You know what I'm saying, because I was all "you know what I'm saying", you know what I'm saying?
Her: I have no idea what you're trying to say.
--Sea Thai Bistro, Williamsburg
Woman #1: I've been with him for five years.
Woman #2: Wow. That's the longest you've been with anyone, isn't it?
Woman #1: Yes...unless you count my two marriages.
--Midtown elevator
Lady: Excuse me sir, can I bum a ciga...oh, you're smoking a joint.
--3rd Ave. & 12th Street
Frantic hipster: Please tell me you have The Golden Girls on DVD!
Employee: Nope, we are all sold out.
Frantic hipster: Dammit! It's sold out everywhere! What am I going to do?
--Barnes & Noble, Chelsea
Woman, 50s: I eat Cheerios every morning.
Man, 50s: Cheerios are good for your heart.
--Popeye's, Bay Ridge
Indie kid: I'm a big Steve Albini fan. He's to garage rock what Phil Spector is to Motown.
--Party, Park Slope
Man: You know that website called Overheardinnewyork.com?
Woman: No, I haven't. What is it?
Man: Lame!
--Empire State Building
[Overheard In New York]
| By Joshua Daniels | 7:28 AM